I need a new lifestyle and new lfie

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  • I am going through panic attacks about the fear of being alone forever dying alone, and getting sick again. I worry the chocking or pain will start in my windpipe. I just don't trust my neighbors and I don't trust doctors a lot or anyone.

    I feel worried and sick someone is trying to kill me. there is someone around me plotting to kill me and take my clothing from me, take everything they can from me. I just want them to go away.

    someone around me does not want me being loved by a man I love.

    I have to be so careful about who I say I like or who I tell because they will set about hurting me and beating me to them or out witing me and just up and attacking and bashing me.

    I can mainly express what I don't want and what I am sick of.

    I don't want to get ill again. I don't want to go to that hell hole hospital of hell on earth full of mongrel cunt shit people who are evil. they all look satanic and like they are going to kill.

    my therapist asked me when was the first time you had a bad experience with taking blood that has bought on such a need to avoid it and fear it. I said, it goes back a while when I had to have about 9 vials of blood taken now I am flat out getting 1 vial out without my veins collapsing and I have never been a iv or druggy

    I don't like canulas they freak me out but I have had to have them a few times but I only like certain blood takers who use the old needles and I tell them why

    the worst experience there has been a few when they hurt and they are shoving needles in and can't get any blood and it hurts.

    I can't just go out to nightclubs on my own because I am afraid of those places. I am afraid of getting sick in the night air

    I get scared sometimes walking places or being away from my mother. or going certain places

    I fear being attacked at the massage place - would someone plot to kill me there?

    I hate this lifestyle and I am not living the life I wanted to live.
    I hate being overweight - rick told me to go get fat when I told him I liked him.

    I wish everyone else would go get fat! for abusing me!!! go feed your bastards, go breed and go get fat fat fat your bastards

    I am terrorfied of getting blood and brain problems and heart problems. I panic a lot thinking why am I waisting away
    with no one loving me when I should be out meeting hot single men that have a future to offer me

    all emma could say like a cow dog, is her arab shit of "you pay now, you pay now" and it its not that going over and over in my head, its "kick up the arse to you" from joyce or other abusive tings it goes around and around and around and around in my head.

    I am just wasting my life but I don't know where to go to meet new people anyway. everybody hates me for the sake of hating something !

    i am choking here living in this hate neighborhood and old house.

    the world around me is full of hate lashing out at me and I am sick of it. that is all its ever been.

    Posted 1 year ago

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