Addiction & Recovery

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  • I’ve taken so many different kinds of drugs religiously and started from a relatively young age. Tried weed at 14 or so, moved on to taking 20 cough medicine pills to “robo-trip” occasionally. Didn’t take long before I’d done nearly 25 trips on LSD followed by a little experimenting with DMT. Popped adderall like candy (still struggle with needing these occasionally bc ADD). Moved on to Xanax before realizing that’s the worst drug and just..never again. However, it wasn’t until trying cocaine with my sister and her boyfriend at age 16, that I️ found myself in true addiction. First time taking a bump and I’d done probably 6 or more lines within a half hour. That struggle went on for almost 3 years. It’s the only craving now, that & cigarettes and adderall. The hardest part was that it didn’t make me feel “jacked,” it made me feel calm, confident, centered and normal, per day. No one knew how often or how much I️ was doing. Sneaking out of school every half hour or doing it in the bathrooms, doing an 8 ball in a day. It was out of control. One day I️ had an epiphany and kicked it all. By myself. Never saw a counselor or talked to anyone about it, just quit. It’s only hard when no one sees that you’re going through hell and battling a nearly impossible battle by yourself. Had to drop my best friend because we were no good together and only caused destruction for each other. Now I️ have no friends, no one to talk to about it and I’ve moved away for college so I’m not around family. (Not that they condoned any discussion of my behavior aside from the fact that I️ was a failure). My boyfriend doesn’t believe in any of that and asks me to not talk about it because he can’t stand to picture me doing the things I’ve done. So you see, i’ve been driving myself mad with trying to stay sober and battling with myself every day. It’s been over a year minus adderall taken for studying because again, ADD. Won’t ever get a congratulations or a “I’m proud of you” and I’m still trying to accept that and have peace with my past.

    Posted 1 month ago

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