Said something bad, am I an awful person?

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  • I'm 19, and I'm a pale-skinned Cherokee tribal citizen. I have Aspegers, it's a form of autism. I'm Muslim because I practice Islam and I believe in equal rights.


    A few months ago this black man said I looked ugly, I cried and said: "F/ck off, n//er!" In all honesty, if he were white, that night, I probably would have said: "F/ck off, c//cker!" I was trying to hurt him how he hurt me, and I instantly regretted it due to the very fact that I know I’m better than that, or was better than that.

    When someone attacks me on the account of how I look, I no longer cry. I'm just numb and usually silent. I look forward to plastic surgery I'm scheduled to have in February 2019.

    I don’t remember his name but my conscience has me wondering: if I’m just an awful person. If I’m racist. If I’m evil.

    Posted 1 month ago

    Comments (3)

    • PS: I try my best to love everyone, but more so than often I feel like I equally hate everyone and then secretly hoping North Korea pushes that red button, I mean at least then Earth will have the chance to heal... when we're all dead. Besides, death is peaceful no?

      Posted 1 month ago

    • And no I'm not trolling. I don't do that, it's not productive or logical. But what happened that night wasn't based on thought either, it was based off of no logic at all. He used how I looked against me so I used his race against him. Was any of this right? No and I feel bad. He even apologized but I felt no sincerity from him. But out of all of this, do you know what else I learned? It's fine to bully someone, to harass someone, or to attack someone's appearance, so long as you don't bring up race.

      Posted 1 month ago

    • I'm very aware of the issues black people have to face, and that's not fair. The issues are similar with us indigenous people. We all said things that we regret and I just wanted to say sorry to the African American community for my actions. Two wrongs don't make a right and I should have stayed silent like I always do when it comes to bullying, or harassment, or when I'm attacked. I don't know why that night was different.

      Posted 1 month ago

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