Can't understand why I feel like this

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  • I am a 20 year old male. Last year, I was walking home from a visit to the cinema with my sister, who was 15 at the time. We were approached by two men, who forced us at knife point down a back alley. One of them stood with his knife at my throat and forced me to watch the other one have sex with my sister. When he was done, they swapped places.

    Now, a year later, I find myself getting turned on by the memory. I can see the look of horror on her face as she was penetrated, see her legs kicking in a pathetic attempt to squirm away as her first rapist thrust into her, see her hands clenching and unclenching as he forced his tongue into her mouth, see him throw his head back and cry out as he blew his load inside her, and I can't help getting aroused. I hate myself for this, but I can't control this involuntary reaction. What the hell is wrong with me, and how do I fix it?

    Posted 1 month ago

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