Just a gullible piece of meat...

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  • I was a college undergraduate at the time of these events. I had a friend of the opposite gender a few years ago at a low point in my life, we had a little bit in common and would text all the time, after about a year we dated a couple times before they started acting disinterested in our relationship, I let them go for a while until I couldn't stand it anymore and asked them why they didn't care anymore, they said that their parents didn't think we were good for each other and were trying to pull us apart gently.... and I believed it... after that we started texting and spending time together in secret. And discussing moving away from our homes together, I really thought that they loved me, I was being manipulated. Eventually it got to a point where we were sexting frequently and kissing an excessive amount in person. One day, the suggestion of actual sex was talked about. I made the offer thinking it would unify us better. The time came, we had sex, and I lost my virginity. I thought it would only get better from there. We talked for a few days, then they went on a trip, on their return, they said that they felt guilty about sex and that they didn't want to associate with me anymore. I was crestfallen, but it didn't stop there. I saw them again a few months later in the beginning part of my junior year of college, as a freshman, for a while we wouldn't speak even though we saw each other on an almost daily basis. Finally they spoke to me again, and tried making small talk, I was still hurt but I wanted to give them a chance. We talked for a while and got to the topic of our fling, and the aftermath, in essence they said that their parents "found out " about us sexting and put a stop to it by forcing them to send a dump text. I felt deep resentment for that trickery but guilt at the same time for being secretive. Weeks passed, I spent a little time watching my former friend and sometimes hanging out with them between classes, when I noticed something about how they interacted with other individuals on campus, revealing clothing and flirting dialogue sent warning signs to me. A few weeks later a new s.o.... and a person from the gym who groped, and a meetup on the weekend with a "best friend " I did some research online, and immediately regretted doing so, I found out that my "forever" had been with several really decent people before, and had taken the virginity from all of them and dumped them afterwards, sometimes multiple people at once. I felt sick. I had let myself become so desperate for acceptance that I let myself become a glorified sex toy. I told my former friend right away that I felt our lives were going down different paths and bowed out gracefully, they never texted back and would avert their eyes and hurry past whenever they saw me again. They knew. But they didn't want a confrontation. It's been about three and half years since then, but the guilt is still fresh. My family never found out, I didn't have the guts to tell them. I know it would be heartbreaking to find out that the well behaved child that they raised became a pervert and lost their virginity to an lying manipulative slut...
    I don't think I can forgive myself, and I think real love is just a fantasy. If anyone reads this, please, wait for the right person, if they aren't willing to commit, don't chase them. Don't make the mistake of giving your heart away like I did.

    Posted 4 months ago

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